It's just a number, right?

I'm 37.  I know!  Dear reader, you couldn't guess by looking at my profile pic; then again, if you went by my profile pic you would think that I am an egg, dressed as a man, sitting along  a riverstone wall, along side a clear blue stream.   I digress...

I am fast approaching the, <gulp> 40.   I'm thinking...I'm analyzing, I'm living.  It's like throwing a bunch of stuff up against the wall and seeing what sticks.   I'll do yoga, work hard at my job and see where it takes me, sign up for the crochet class, take spinning classes 3x/week, learn how to make croissants (my most favorite of all things that are being throw against the wall), be a better partner, friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, citizen of the world.  When it comes down to it...I do 1, well, maybe 2 each week.  Everything else, falls to the side and here I am.  I  feel unfulfilled.  F*CK!  (I'll cuss every now and then..don't worry) Why do we have a conscience or this inner urging that says, "hey, wake the hell up..."  Life is calling.   

In astrology, when you are approaching 30 you experience something called a Saturn Return - it' s when Saturn returns to the position it was in when you were born. Saturn is the reality check, a cosmic kick in the pants that says, grow up or shut up.  I thought 30 was wicked...40 is 2.5 years away and I am feeling the burn like a large person after an advanced level step class. Damn, my glutes are sore, but I keep going because I know the pay off is there. 

Shut up or grow up?  I think I can live with that and choose both options - dependent upon the day. 

One thing I have come to learn, you can't fight city hall nor can you stop the ticking hands of time.  So, what to do?   What a life we live.  I think I am going to throw away my watch.

86,400 Seconds

By Stephanie

Time

Disrupts the art of living

Basing our days on 86,400 seconds as

The dark veil of the night’s sky

Has drawn herself tightly

Amongst the crocheted sweater

That houses in its pocket

The tissues of tears you have wept

Because of the lack of time

Patience is illogical

It is another word that exits your lips

Amongst other words that have meaning

But lack the sensitivity they so lovingly deserve

All because you didn’t have time to

Fit them with their own delicious adjectives

And you failed to provide the action verb

That causes a series of syllables to jump off the page

And catch the reader’s eye

All because you didn’t have time.